01.31.08
Thoughts from an infertile mom who loves Jesus
I’m a mom. I have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. And I’m infertile.
Just the other day that fact hit me. Since our daughter Angel came home on December 21st my life has been crazy. Crazy busy. Crazy falling more in love with her. Crazy trying to figure out this mom stuff. We bonded almost immediately and almost immediately I felt like a mom. I can now watch peanut butter, cold medicine and diaper commercials without crying. I can walk through the store with my head held high and think, “Ya, I’m a mom. Oh, I think I’ll buy some formula.”. When the radio or tv or friends or anyone talks about mom stuff I now listen with an attentive ear instead of guarding my aching heart. I can kiss my baby and hug her and hold her and gaze into her eyes until my heart feels like bursting.
But this weekend I remembered. I remembered that I’ve never experienced morning sickness or stretch marks or pregnancy. I didn’t have the joy of giving birth to my baby. My precious Angel won’t have my genes or my husband’s genes and there will never be a family resemblance. However if someone told me today that I could get pregnant but that I’d have to give Angel back I would absolutely without a doubt say NO! She is my child and I am her mom.
I was reminded of the most famous infertile woman, Hannah. The thing that most stands out to me in 1 Samuel 1 is that Hannah continued to worship her Lord. Yes she cried and begged and pleaded and her soul wept with the ache of not having a child. But year after year she went up to the house of the Lord because I think she knew that He could not only answer her prayer but He alone would give her life meaning.
My barren womb still cries out at times but I can honestly say that it’s ok. I am not made complete by being a mom. There is abundant joy and excitement and happiness found in motherhood but it does not complete me. Jesus is the only one that can complete me. He is the only one that makes me whole.
I am a mom. I have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. And I am a child of the King.
01.30.08
Works for me Wednesday, the Hubby way
It’s 10:30. Hubby and I are laying in bed, he watching ESPN, me trying to sleep. Then I remembered that I had to remember something. Had I forgot to turn off the oven after making those 3000 calorie brownies? No. Did I feed the baby before she went to bed? Yes. Hmmm, what could it be? Oh ya, it’s Works for me Wednesday tomorrow and I don’t have a thing to say!
Me: Hubby, it’s Works for me Wednesday tomorrow. Do you have anything that I could post?
Hubby: (Looks at me like I’ve lost my mind)
Me: (I proceed to tell him all about Works for me Wednesday. Uh, duh!) So, can you think of anything that I could post?
Hubby: (Silence…I think he’s thinking……..) If you microwave a hot dog for 10 seconds and then turn it and then microwave another 10 seconds and turn it and then microwave another 10 seconds it will be perfectly done without exploding.
Me: (I look at Hubby likes he’s lost his mind)
Hubby: Well it works for me!
There ya have it folks. All the hotdog knowledge you could ever want. Have a good lunch!
And don’t forget to check out more great tips over at Rocks In My Dryer!
01.29.08
Boom, boom, boom…
Sorry. That’s the sound of me jumping up and down. I just heard about the She Speaks Conference which Proverbs 31 Ministries holds every year. Now I do have a confession to make. I had never heard about this conference but it sounds so amazing. And I have another confession to make. I listen to Proverbs 31 Ministries on the radio all the time. But there have been some days, when I’ve been really struggling with this whole not able to conceive a child thing that I’ve turned the station. Please do not hold that against me now.
Ok, here are a few details about the conference:
This conference is for women who love God and want to grow in the gifts He’s given them. There are four different tracks that you can go through but you can always mix and match between different tracks. That’s definitely what I would do, there’s some amazing information in all four tracks.
She Speaks is for those who have a gift for, love and want to improve at public speaking. She Writes is of course for those lady writers. It could be someone who is writing a book, wants to write a book, or maybe just has a blog and wants to use their gifts more effectively through the Internet. She Leads is for leaders of women’s ministry. You’ll learn how to grow your women’s ministry, how to start small groups and cultivate women who love the Lord and want to share that love with others. And although I don’t think I’d ever want to be 16 again, this next track just might convince me it’d be worth it. She Influences is for young ladies aged 12-17 who love the Lord and want to influence the world around them. How exciting!
Now that’s enough right there isn’t it? Four amazing tracks, coaching, training and encouragement from Christian leaders who’ve walked down the road many of us feel God calling us down. But wait, there’s more – so much more. You will also have the opportunity to meet Shannon, Sophie and Melanie! (boom, boom, boom – that’s me jumping up and down again). They will be co-leading a number of sessions on blogging and wow, can you just imagine how complete your life would be?
So I am hoping to win a scholarship to attend the She Speaks Conference. Due to our recent adoption funds are pretty tight not to mention the cost to fly from SD to NC. I guess I can’t say I deserve this scholarship more than anyone else but I do know that God wants me to attend. How can I say that so confidently? Because He’s placed a desire in my heart to share my story through speaking and writing. To share my story of sin, guilt, shame, pain, heartache and sorrow. To share my story of redemption, forgiveness, healing and hope.
He’s allowed for my mom and me to reach out to women through the Day Spa for Women ministry. The Day Spa for Women is not a spa like you’d see in almost every town in America. It’s a spiritual spa. A time to experience a personal touch from God through messages from His word (delivered by me or my mom), journaling, object lessons, quiet time, foot and hand massages that include prayer over each woman. We have held the Day Spa for Women 2-3 times every year for the last two years and we desire to expand this ministry. After every Day Spa we have women come up to us with tears in their eyes and thank us. Not because of anything we did. But because they heard from God. They felt God move in their life. The experienced a personal touch from God.
When I read the description of this conference I was so excited. Obviously you could tell that from the “boom, boom, boom”. I desire to not only improve our ministry through the Day Spa for Women but also improve my speaking skills for other speaking opportunities. Improve my writing skills for this blog, our youth group’s blog and for writing devotions for our church body. And also just overall grow in my knowledge of these things and in my walk with the Lord.
I hope you will consider attending the She Speaks Conference. You can go here for more information on the conference or go here for more information on the scholarship.
God wants to use you. You have a story to tell. Oh ya, and you get to meet Shannon, Melanie and Sophie.
Boom, boom, boom!!!
Church ladies know how to party
Today Angel and I are hosting a party for the church ladies. I wonder how many times I can call them church ladies before they get really annoyed with me?
A year ago God called me into full time ministry. Now I hate to even say that because I believe that everyone who is a follower of Christ is in full time ministry. So I should say that God called me from my job as Asst Manager/Training Manager in a customer service call center to work for my church full time. And that was when I met the church ladies.
Yes, they do have names. Barb, Lisa, Linda, Vickie, Elaine, Kris, Bonnie, Carla, Gloria, Ruth, Gail, Christine, Melissa, Barbara. Oh boy, I hope I’m not forgetting anyone. Aren’t they beautiful names? Well they are beautiful people and I consider them not only church ladies but wonderful co-workers and amazing friends. (I should clarify, not all of them are co-workers, some of them are the wives of the men on staff. )
So today Angel and I are having them over for lunch. We’ll have wonderful sandwiches and fresh fruit and for dessert I worked hard in the kitchen all night and will present them with Recees Peanut Butter Cups.
These ladies have taught me so much. They’ve been an amazing encouragement to me and Hubby as we’ve went through our crazy adoption journey. They’ve prayed with me and inspired me and allowed me to work side by side with them as we seek to draw others closer to Christ. We’ve laughed til we cried and cried til we laughed. Good friends, that’s what they are.
Do you have friends in your life like that? Friends that are there for you, not only through the good times but through the icky bad times too. And I hope that you are that kind of friend to someone. That you allow the love of Jesus to bubble over into the life of someone that needs encouragement and prayer today.
So thanks church ladies. I don’t know how many of you even read this but I appreciate you and love you. And I’m so glad you like food as much as I do. See you soon!
01.28.08
Menu Plan Monday
I’m a little behind but just found a wonderful list of great menus at orgjunkie. And I’m so excited to say I had already planned out our menu. So, here’s the plan:
Monday lunch: Soup and homemade bread
Monday supper: Angel hair pasta with basil and chicken
Tuesday lunch: Sandwiches and fruit
Tuesday supper: Delicious roast on buns
Wednesday lunch: Leftovers
Wednesday supper: Ham and scalloped potatoes
Thursday lunch: Leftovers
Thursday supper: Jambalaya (made using Zatarain’s mix and sausage)
Friday lunch: Turkey and cheese wrap
Friday supper: Family night – Hubby’s in charge of cooking or picking a place to go out to
Saturday lunch: Homemade pizza
Saturday supper: Keilbosa sandwiches
Sunday lunch: Potblessing at church
Sunday supper: Super bowl party in evening so will probably eat nothing but junk!
If you’d like any recipes let me know! And check out more recipes at Menu Plan Monday
It’s Bloggy Giveaway Time!
This Bloggy Giveaway is closed! I’ll be drawing a winner soon! Check back!
Rocks In My Dryer is hosting a bloggy giveaway. If you’ve never participated before basically it means you can win free stuff!
I’ll be giving away an amazing cookbook that our church just published. Over 700 recipes people! I had purchased some extra copies and now you can win your very own (it’s new I promise, no gravy or grease stains!).
Isn’t it pretty? And there’s some mighty good recipes in it too. Things like Microwave Hot-Cha-Cha Beef and Cellentani Pesto Chicken and Easy Peach and Raspberry Cobbler and Gooey Chocolate-Caramel Fantasy. YUM YUM! And really even if you don’t like to cook who doesn’t enjoy reading a cookbook before bed? Maybe that’s just in SD that we do that?
But wait, there’s more! You’ll also receive the book Sent and Received.
This is an amazing book written by the previous Senior Pastor at my church Michael Brandt and his daughter Kayla. It’s their family’s journey as Pastor Mike’s wife is diagnosed with cancer. Here’s an excerpt:
The news knocked the wind out of me. It was like breathing in a rush of cold air that left your body frozen and motionless for a moment too long. I frantically gasped for my next breath.
“Cancer?”
My voice choked the word in disbelief.
Dad’s explanation echoed in my head. I had risen from my chair and was standing now at my desk at work, only hearing half of the words as everything around me started to spin. The words became a hollow echo. Dad could hear my vulnerability, my gasps for breath, my confusion, all the strength escaping the daughter who had been so strong and independent. With his third daughter broken, Dad stopped talking and began to pray. He pointed me to the only One who could cover me at that moment. I felt God’s grace.
This book is for anyone who’s faced trials and discouragement, whether related to cancer or not (is that not everyone?). The only stipulation is that after you read it (and don’t forget the tissues) that you pass it on to someone else.
All you have to do is leave a comment and if you want to include your favorite recipe I think that would be wonderful too. If you don’t have a blog, that’s ok! Just make sure to leave your email address. I will randomly pick a winner on Friday, February 1st at 10:00 pm central time or after Angel baby goes to sleep.
Check out more amazing giveaways over at Rocks In My Dryer
01.27.08
There’s no such thing as a dumb question
Remember that when you read this!
I’m going to start a new tradition at Grasp the Love. Every Sunday I’ll post a question. It could be something I’m struggling with or maybe something that someone has asked me and I just don’t know the answer to. As a first time mom I have alot of questions about babies and such but they won’t all be about that.
Hope you’ll stop by and leave a comment with your thoughts! Here we go…..
Baby Pictures – And All That Goes With It
Angel is 3 months old and we’ve been thinking we should get professional pictures taken soon. However I’ve been wondering how often do we get pictures taken? Once a year, once a month, twice a year. We have a pretty nice digital camera (although as you can see from above our gifting is not in the picture department) so do we just use that and do the professional once a year? Not sure.
And then where do we go? Wally World has some pretty cheap prices but is the quality good? Will I regret not going to JC Penny or Sears who I know has good quality photography departments?
After all those decisions are made and we have the amazing pictures of our precious Angel who do we send them to? Just immediate family? How often do we send pictures to close friends and extended family? Once a year like at Christmas or more often?
I know there’s no right or wrong answer to any of these but would love your suggestions and thoughts on your picture adventures!
01.26.08
So many children
Last night we had our one month adoption update meeting with our social worker. It went well, she’s an awesome lady and has made this whole process very unstressful. Of course Angel peacefully fell asleep in Daddy’s arms so he can say she loves him the most 
(she does not like to go to sleep for me).
I mentioned that I often tell Angel that she needs a little brother or sister real soon. Our social worker said, “really are you going to adopt again?” If it was up to me we’d adopt about 8 more times but so far Hubby has agreed to just one more. We’re not quite ready to begin that process again, especially since we got Angel in two weeks – I doubt that will happen again but just in case, we figure we should hold off at least 9 months or so.
Then our social worker said that their agency is looking for families to adopt children, mostly infants. I was blown away by this because all you hear is that it takes so long to adopt an infant in the US. These babies are bi-racial or high risk (mom used drugs or alcohol) and it just breaks my heart that their are so many children waiting for homes. I also watched this video today from Blessings from Ethiopia blog today. So many children.
The one challenge we’ve had is the finances. We have really done all we can as far as taking out loans, refinancing, etc, etc to pay for an adoption. However, we were also in a pretty tight spot when we found out about Angel and ya’all know how God provided for her! So really when we say we just don’t have the money to adopt another child right now, it’s not because of our lack of finances… it’s because of our lack of faith. Faith that God will provide and that we can trust in His plan even when we can’t see exactly what lies ahead.
Today I asked Hubby if he prays that God would provide for us so we can get out of debt so I can be a stay at home mom and if he prays for God to provide for more adoptions. He said no but that he would commit to pray for that. Just the other day I was reading in Genesis… Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer… And we see this many other times in scripture. I have experienced this first hand that when Hubby prays God answers. Not that He doesn’t answer my prayers but it’s been like He’s blessing our family in so many ways since Hubby has committed his life to Christ and grown closer to his heavenly Father and has been the spiritual head of our family. Does that make sense?
I’m so thankful that Hubby will pray and in the meantime I’ll be praying for patience and peace. That when I go back to work in 3 weeks I will not have a nervous breakdown And that I will trust God and His timing through any future adoptions He allows us to be a part of.
No better place than Daddy’s arms
Angel ready to go outside with Aunt Nellie
Please pass the cheese
Me (walking into the room): Whatcha watching?
Hubby: Some zombie movie. It’s pretty cheesy.
Me: Aren’t they all?
Hubby: Ya but this one’s really cheesy.
Me: Aren’t they all?
Hubby is trained well and passes the remote to his darling wife. Next thing ya know Babe is on…now that’s some good cheese!
That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
