I’m a mom. I have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. And I’m infertile.
Just the other day that fact hit me. Since our daughter Angel came home on December 21st my life has been crazy. Crazy busy. Crazy falling more in love with her. Crazy trying to figure out this mom stuff. We bonded almost immediately and almost immediately I felt like a mom. I can now watch peanut butter, cold medicine and diaper commercials without crying. I can walk through the store with my head held high and think, “Ya, I’m a mom. Oh, I think I’ll buy some formula.”. When the radio or tv or friends or anyone talks about mom stuff I now listen with an attentive ear instead of guarding my aching heart. I can kiss my baby and hug her and hold her and gaze into her eyes until my heart feels like bursting.
But this weekend I remembered. I remembered that I’ve never experienced morning sickness or stretch marks or pregnancy. I didn’t have the joy of giving birth to my baby. My precious Angel won’t have my genes or my husband’s genes and there will never be a family resemblance. However if someone told me today that I could get pregnant but that I’d have to give Angel back I would absolutely without a doubt say NO! She is my child and I am her mom.
I was reminded of the most famous infertile woman, Hannah. The thing that most stands out to me in 1 Samuel 1 is that Hannah continued to worship her Lord. Yes she cried and begged and pleaded and her soul wept with the ache of not having a child. But year after year she went up to the house of the Lord because I think she knew that He could not only answer her prayer but He alone would give her life meaning.
My barren womb still cries out at times but I can honestly say that it’s ok. I am not made complete by being a mom. There is abundant joy and excitement and happiness found in motherhood but it does not complete me. Jesus is the only one that can complete me. He is the only one that makes me whole.
I am a mom. I have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. And I am a child of the King.