Day: May 10, 2008
This year Mother’s Day will be a little different for me. I won’t say it’ll be my first Mother’s Day as a mom because I’ve so loved being step-mom to Princess and Prince. But this year will be different in that I’ve been blessed with a little one of my own. And not only has God blessed us with our beautiful Belle but for some reason has seen fit to bless us with little Pip (as the new baby is being called). Some days I feel so unworthy and even a little guilty. I know that sounds crazy, but I wonder “why me”. Why have I been so blessed, I surely don’t deserve it.
It will be the first year in 10 years that I will cry tears of joy instead of tears of pain and I never want to forget those that are still going through that journey. I know that I will never forgot my journey or take for granted being a mother. But it is easy to get wrapped up in your own life and forget about those that are struggling. It’s so easy for people to say “God has a plan” or something like that but often times that isn’t helpful because when you’re walking through that journey sometimes all you can see is darkness. Yes, you cling like crazy to God and hope He will pull you through. But most of the time He’s carrying you and you can’t really see the how it’ll work out.
There were times when I felt like people didn’t know what to say so they just ignored me, i.e., ignored my pain. What I would have given for someone to just come up to me and give me a hug and say, “I don’t know how you feel but I love you and I’m praying for you.”.
Now as I look back I’m so thankful that God said no to my prayers. That He saw fit to not open my womb until now. We would have missed out on our time with O and the wonderful new family we have in his family. We would have missed many years of growing and stretching and trusting. And most of all we wouldn’t have Belle. So it’s easy for me to now say “Thank you thank you thank you God that I didn’t get pregnant”. Because I can’t even for a second imagine life without our Belle.
On Mother’s Day my prayer will be one of thanksgiving: for Prince and Princess, I couldn’t ask for two more wonderful step-children. For Belle, my precious precious daughter who is such a joy to us. For God’s never-ending love and faithfulness and patience. And for little Pip and the blessing of experiencing pregnancy and child-birth and after ten years of infertility I’ll now be a mom twice in one year!
And I will also lift up to God a cry for those that are still on this journey of infertility. Ug, sometimes it just really stinks and there’s no words that can encourage or uplift. But I’ll pray anyway that God would be so real to them that they would sense His presence. That through the darkness they would trust and lean on Him and allow themselves to be carried through this time.