I know “overwhelmtion” isn’t a word but that’s how I feel. Overwhelmed with sadness of possibly never carrying a child; overwhelmed with mountains and mountains of paperwork for our adoption; overwhelmed with task after task to finish our basement; overwhelmed with doubts and fears – is Ethiopia really where we are suppose to adopt from? What age of child? How many children do we adopt? How in the world are we going to pay for an adoption and not go completely, miserably into debt, etc., etc.? Putting all that together the only word I could think of was “overwhelmtion”. Definition: the state of being WAY more overwhelmed then just overwhelmed!
Elisabeth Elliot writes, “I had been praying for something I wanted very badly. It seemed a good thing to have, a thing that would make life even more pleasant than it is, and would not in any way hinder my work. God did not give it to me. Why? I do not know all of his reasons, of course. The God who orchestrates the universe has a good many things to consider that have not occurred to me, and it is well that I leave them to Him. But one thing I do understand: He offers me holiness at the price of relinquishing my own will.”
Through our adoption process we have been reading a book titled, “Adoption Parenting”. In it we learn about adoption loss that an adopted child experiences and how to help a child through these feelings. This has also caused me to think of “infertility loss”. I have been praying that I could have children for over 8 years now. And so far God has said “no”, at least to biological children.
But I love what Elizabeth says “One thing I do understand: He offers me holiness at the price of relinquishing my own will.” Lord willing, we will have children through adoption and as much as this process overwhelms me, it also brings me great joy. So I will leave my state of overwhelmtion at the Cross because it’s only through the relinquishing of my will that I find holiness in Christ.
The Cross is really the only place for my overwhelmtion because Christ alone knows all things and sees all things and can lead us in His will. I love the song “Bring the Rain” by Mercy Me. My favorite line is, “… can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You.. “. Regardless of what situation I face or what trial or circumstances comes my way God is still God – He still sits on the throne – He is still good and perfect and loving and just and merciful and faithful.
Today I will choose to trust in Him and lay my OVERWHELMTION at His feet.