Alternate title: if you want to stay married avoid the snowy hill.
Just kidding. Kinda.
So anyway as I mentioned yesterday my parents live at the top of a big hill. We’ve had a very snowy winter and the road to their house is not only a big hill but it’s snow packed and pretty slippery. Combine that with our van that has really bad tires and you end up with a situation that will test the strongest of marriages. Or maybe just those married people that are idiots and get all riled up about getting stuck on a snowy hill.
The first time up the hill we got stuck about half way up. My sister, mom and dad were all behind us in their vehicles. My dad plows by because he was in a 4 wheel drive. Meanwhile the rest of us start slowing trying to back down the hill. My dad turns around and while we’re still backing down the hill he had gotten in my mom’s car and comes blazing up the hill going about 50 miles an hour. He made it so no one faulted him for driving like a maniac. My mom comes up next, driving the 4 wheel drive and my sister also had gotten to the bottom of the hill and floored it and came past us. She wasn’t going too fast but fast enough to make it up the hill. We finally get to the bottom of the hill and started up again, only to make it up half way before getting stuck again.
By this time the kids were frustrated and cranky. Angel kept saying that she wanted out. I was asking questions of Pat, only trying to educate myself on the process of getting up an icy hill. He viewed my questions as questioning his judgment and was stressed to begin with so was getting just a little snappy. Me, being the patient, understanding wife that I am got snappy right back and I might have just threatened to walk up the hill a couple times before our third try up the hill.
After our third try Pat told me to get out and walk. Seriously.
We were probably 50 yards – give or take 50 yards – from the house. I have no idea how far 50 yards is. But the kids were crying and Pat was about ready to drive us over the cliff. So the best thing for everyone was for me to walk with the kids up to the house.
But then my dad showed up to pull us up the hill but they couldn’t find any place to hook the rope to the van. The kids and I got in with my dad and Pat started backing down the hill again. I’m pretty sure if he didn’t make it up the fourth time he was just going to turn around and go home. I’m pretty sure he was also thinking not so nice things about his wife because just a few hours earlier I had said…
“Honey, can we please go to my parent’s house and surprise my mom? It’ll be SO MUCH FUN!”
The kids and I arrive at my parent’s house and we go in to find everyone standing at the window cheering on Pat. We join in the fun as we look way down the hill trying to figure out where he was. (For those familiar with Chamberlain, my parents live at the top of the hill above Arby’s).
While Pat was backing down the hill another car had come past him and asked if he needed help.
Pat: No, I’m just going to back down to the pavement and see if I can get a good start and make it up.
Old creepy man asking if Pat needed help: I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Pat: Ohhh k.
Old creepy man asking if Pat needed help: WHAT YOU NEED IS STUDDED TIRES!
Pat: Ohhh k.
Old creepy man asking if Pat needed help drives away.
That was probably the funniest thing we’d heard all day. And it was good for Pat because according to him if he got one more suggestion about how to get up the hill he was going to kill someone (hopefully not his lovely wife) but instead he got a good laugh.
Anyway at the bottom of the hill there’s a four-way intersection and we could see Pat went even farther past that down the road, which was paved. His hope was to get a high enough speed that when he hit the snow/ice on the hill he’d have enough momentum to get up the hill. Of course his other hope was that he didn’t go careening off the side of the road since he was driving like a mad man.
He takes off and actually runs the stop sign (Don’t worry no one was coming. Obviously.) and got up to 50 miles an hour before hitting the snow. Not. A. Problem.
He pulled into my parent’s drive way and we all cheer for him.
And then I say, “HONNNNEEY. Can you run to the grocery store and pick up a few things for me?”
Just kidding. But wouldn’t have that been funny?
Thankfully by the time he made it up the hill we had both cooled off and weren’t crabby at each other anymore. And it’s a good thing because we had a date to get ready for! Which, if you read yesterday’s post, you already know that that’s another story (pointless maybe?) for another day!