Waving the white flag

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I’m cuddled in between my babies on two queen beds pushed together in a hotel room.  It’s 11 pm as I start typing this and they’ve finally fallen asleep. It’s too exciting staying in a hotel to go to sleep.

On Tuesday morning I woke up with vertigo – caused from an inner ear infection that I get a couple of times a year. I took 1/2 a pill of my medicine and left work at 3 pm to go home and take a nap before going to Vacation Bible School at 6 pm. Tuesday night I started to get a sore throat, stuffy head and sinus headache. Ug. After last week’s overwhelmtion this was the last thing I needed.

I was sick Wednesday too (but unfortunately not sick enough to stay in bed all day) and when I woke up sick again this morning I decided that I was at my breaking point.  I know, it’s only a bad cold, but for me it was combined with too much going on, too long of a to do list and a million feelings of overwhelmtion.  Thankfully I work for an awesome company who understands these things. (Ok, seriously, who can really understand my warped brain). My boss was out today and so was my boss’s boss. So I went crawling into my boss’s boss’s boss’s office (actually I emailed him) and asked if I could take tomorrow off.  He said that was fine and so I told my training group that they’ve worked super hard the past 3 weeks and they can take a day off.

I was supposed to help with VBS again tonight but I also attend an awesome church and my friend who’s in charge of it was able to find a sub for me. My plan was all falling into place. Go home. Go to bed. Sleep for 12 hours.

See. Warped brain.

Thankfully my mom and dad are awesome too. My mom called around 5 pm and told me to pack up the kiddos and drive to their town and she’d put us up in a hotel. The kids could swim. My sister and them could help with the kids. Pat would get a break and some rest. I would get a break and some rest. Sounded good to me.

5 hours later we finally arrived at the hotel. It’s a 2 hour drive.

We of course had to eat supper with daddy. Then 1/2 way through the trip we stopped at Wally World so I could find a swim suit. Caleb attempted to escape underneath the dressing room door. I just barely caught him by his ankles and pulled him back in. It got really fun when he opened the door as I stood there without any clothes on. Thankfully (for whoever might have been standing there) there was no one standing there.

After about 8 meltdowns we finally made our way to the checkout to, of course be greeted with:


Angel ignores him. I smile and ignore him. A customer then comes up to the register and says:


Seriously two in one night? Why didn’t I stay home and go to bed?

And then he said, “What color eyes you got?”

“Brown? Oh my Lawd, you must be some Mexican and German and Irish.”

I chuckle because I cannot believe he actually said that. Especially since that’s exactly what she is. But I didn’t give him the satisfaction of telling him that.

We were finally on the road again and I tried to block out Elmo’s singing.  I took deep breaths and talked to Jesus. It felt kinda good to feel like I was running away from it all.  Unfortunately I couldn’t run away from this awful head cold.  But I felt like I could the rest. All the responsibility and to do lists and things that make me feel like I constantly fail.  Feeling like I’m a bad mommy, bad wife, bad employee, bad sister, bad aunt, bad God-mother, bad friend, bad daughter, bad Christian. 

Jesus reminded me that it’s only when I surrender that I can truly be who He’s created me to me. I don’t have to have it all together. I can’t have it all together. It was so good to just lay that at the feet of Jesus. As I drove into the sunset I felt like I was laying myself at the feet of Jesus.  And He reminded me that His grace is sufficient, especially in my weakness.

It’s amazing how God can use a bad head cold (ok and maybe a few other things) to teach me about surrender. 


One thought on “Waving the white flag

    sincerelyanna said:
    August 6, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    You survived taking two toddlers with you to try on a swimsuit? You definitely need a day off to recover! I hope you feel better.

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