I’m sick

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I’m sick.

I’m sick of myself. Of stuff. Of things I think I need.

I’m sick of hearing about the recession and depression and economic climate and the status of the economy. We have no idea what it means to be in need.

I’m sick of buying my kids clothes they don’t need.

I’m sick of having two freezers and a  fridge and cupboards full of food and still spending $50 to go out to eat at a restaurant. Because I’m too tired. Because I can’t think of what to make for supper. Really?

I’m sick of being sick of it and yet not changing how I live or what I do or how why I live.

I’m sick of all the worthless JUNK we’ve accumulated and continue to accumulate and convince ourselves that it’s ok and it’s not that big of deal.  Why am I not spending that money, spending my life, on important things?  Life changing things?

Don’t tell me that’s just the way it is. Don’t tell me it’s no big deal. It IS a big deal. We are going to go to our grave with all this worthless STUFF. Am I passing on stuff or a legacy to my children?  Will I stand before my Savior and be asked? Will He ask what I have done for the least of these?  37 years and 53 days of life and the answer isn’t pretty.

I a child of God. I have been saved and redeemed and brought out of the pit.  Why am I not His hands and feet?

I am thankful for what I have and the abundant blessings. But I’m sick too.


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