Restoration not regret

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Every once in awhile the dreams still come. Nightmares really, memories of the past. I awake and the feeling of sorrow overtakes me every time.  Not sorrow for what was lost but sorrow for the people I hurt. Sorrow for the Jesus I walked away from.  Sorrow for the scars that seem to continue to inflict pain. Sorrow for feeling like I’ll never be completely healed.

And yet I am.

It’s a confusing journey. I am whole. Forgiven and healed. I know that Jesus loves me and that He has brought restoration.

“And I will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten…” Joel 2:25

“…he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.” Isaiah 61:3

But at the same time the memories and dreams come.  We fight and argue and hurt each other and Satan uses it to remind me of the choices I made.  Of the people I hurt.

Through it though I cling to the promises of His Word. Because it’s only through His Word that I can be the wife that God wants me to be. That I can let the past be the past. That I can walk forward and keep my eyes on the Hope of the Cross and the love the Father has given us.

The miracle of our love and our marriage. The closeness we share. Eight years later. So many years of heartache and questions and hurt and regret.

But not anymore. There’s only restoration. Only the excitement of what today will bring.  The anticipation of the day being over and the kids in bed and then our time.  The wondering of what adventure God will lead us on tomorrow. Only the hope of helping other couples find passion and hope and healing.  For it’s through Christ alone that all things are possible. Even for marriages “destined” to fail.

Every. single. day. I am thankful for restoration. And I am so thankful for my husband and his love. And for the love of my Jesus.

To read more thoughts about marriage, visit A Holy Experience…

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2 thoughts on “Restoration not regret

    Jenny said:
    January 27, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Yes. Beautiful, dear friend.

    singspeakgloryseek said:
    January 28, 2011 at 12:57 am

    ‘Sorrow for the people you hurt?’ … Missy, you forgave me for the horrible way I treated Pat and his kids when God first brought them into our lives. That was a much greater sin that yours, I believe. I called myself a Christian yet I did not exhibit Christ’s love. So if you can forgive me, and I have seen you forgive and have compassion on others, why then won’t you forgive yourself?

    ‘Sorrow for the Jesus you walked away from?’ Didn’t Peter walk away from Jesus? And then later Jesus asked Peter, ”….do you love me?” (John 21). Is that what He’s asking you now? Do you love me Missy? “ And of course He knows the answer, yes, you love Him! … and Jesus says, “feed my sheep.” …..“minister to couples; to youth group; to those two precious babies; to every place and every situation I put you in. Which is what I see you doing.”

    ‘Sorrow for the scars that seem to continue to inflict pain?’ I say celebrate your scars! Your scars represent your personal story of healing and restoration! I think Satan wants to convince you that the scars inflict pain so you‘ll avoid them. But physical scars don‘t inflict pain. They may be ugly to look at, but they don‘t inflict pain. Again, I say, celebrate you scars! Jesus could have come back in his resurrected body with no scars, but He chose to show His scars. You have been so faithful in the way you have chosen to share you story (your scars) openly on your blog. I so admire you for that, and I know you have brought comfort to so many hearts.

    Okay, I’m done. (:) Sorry for the long comment. Probably the longest one you’ve ever had! lol! (can I WIN something?) (just kidding)
    MOM

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