Following Caleb’s lead

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I mentioned the other day that when Caleb gets mad he screams at the top of his lungs.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We’re trying to help him deal with his anger in better ways but sometimes you just need to yell out loud.

Ya know what I’d like to yell out loud about?

~Glee. I hate that show. I know hate is a strong word but I really really hate it. I hate the message that it’s sending to young kids (and adults). The last episode where abstinence was mocked was about enough to make me scream. I didn’t watch it but I heard about it and maybe it ended up having a good message. Considering the episodes I have watched, I doubt it.  I hate that we have a generation believing that God is not powerful enough to give them the strength to make good choices.  That they don’t need to or can’t for that matter, have self-control. They are believing lies and will be scarred for life by that lack of self-control.

Believe me, I know.

~My addiction to food. I am. I’m addicted to food. I’m not sure what happened last July when all of a sudden I was able to completely control what I ate.  But since about Thanksgiving I’ve made nothing but bad choices. Perhaps it was the enormous amount of food at Thanksgiving that sent me over the edge.  Well since then I have no control – or at least that’s what I tell myself – and I drink Coke and eat sweets like there’s no tomorrow.   Thankfully I still try to watch my calorie consumption (somewhat), so I haven’t gained a ton of weight but I still hate it and I really wish I could get back to more healthy choices.

~My lack of patience. I get so impatient with the kids. Sometimes I yell at them and I’m ashamed to even be called their mom.  I hate that I don’t speak softly and I forget to redirect and some days we just watch tv all day because if we do anything else I’m just going to get frustrated and impatient and yell. I know it’s ridiculous and I know that when I spend time with my First Love (Jesus), I’m more patient and more loving and I just need to cling to that.

~I don’t share my faith.  I believe God’s Word and I have been transformed by the power, grace, mercy and love of Jesus.  And yet I don’t share this with others or tell them about His amazing love as much as I should.  How is my life not overflowing with the message of God’s love?

~I hate that I believe Satan’s lies that tell me I suck at everything.

~I’m afraid to be a friend. I’m afraid to be hurt. I’m afraid I will cause hurt.

~I watch the news and see the destruction going on all over and feel sick to my stomach. I take my cozy house and family and ALL THIS STUFF I have for granted every single day and I hate it. I let little things make me upset and it’s absolutely ridiculous that there are some days I don’t find joy in my day.

My fridge, freezer and cupboards are overflowing, our closets are full of clothes and we have a washer and dryer to wash those clothes and I took a 15 minute steaming hot shower today. I have THREE bathrooms to use whenever I want and I have a dishwasher plus two perfectly good hands to wash dishes even if I didn’t have a dishwasher.  More than anything, I am blessed beyond measure to spend my days with a wonderful husband who loves me and two precious little miracles from heaven.  I have a loving, supportive family who is always there for us when there’s a need. I have caring, amazing friends.  And yet I forget to thank Him and forget to praise Him.

~I hate when I’m on my way to work and my lunch is on the driver’s seat and I turn a corner and it causes my lunch to fall over and fall down on the side of the driver’s seat by the door.

~I hate that things like my lunch spilling all over my van makes me so mad.

~I hate that young moms are dying of cancer. Like Becky from my high school. She was a huge inspiration to my brother who was a runner. She was a senior when he was a freshman and I remember her being so kind and encouraging to him. She has two little boys and my heart breaks for her family.

~I hate that little girls are fighting rare cancers. Like Lucy and Kate.

This is kind of a bummer post but lately these are things that really make me want to yell out loud.  Even though I won’t I want to go out on my deck and scream at the top of my lungs. Instead though, tonight I’m going to pray and ask God to change my heart and change our world and help me to find joy in each and every moment of each and every day.

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3 thoughts on “Following Caleb’s lead

    Erika said:
    March 15, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    Thanks for being so honest. Most of the things you hate, I, too, hate. The food thing – don’t get me started. I have had nightly “kick myself in the butt” sessions – vowing that tomorrow will be better…
    Impatience with my kids? Ah, yeah, I can totally relate.
    Not sharing my faith, not being thankful for all I have, etc. etc.

    Thank you for being an open book… know that you are not alone. I’m ending this day praising God that He loves us anyway, and can keep transforming us ’til our last day.

      Missy responded:
      March 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm

      Thanks Erika… “can keep transforming us ’til our last day”… so thankful!

    singspeakgloryseek said:
    March 16, 2011 at 5:27 am

    Wow Missy! Powerful post! THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO BLOG! We all feel these exact same things! And you have such a gift to express it in words for all of us! I love the comment from Erika, ‘God can keep transforming us till our last day’! Keep it up Missy. Keep being that open book. You are one of God’s ‘scribes’! (:)

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