I’ve been contemplating, drafting and re-drafting a post on adoption for awhile now as I struggle with some parenting issues with Angel. I’ve been re-reading my adoption books and praying for extra patience and wisdom.
This parenting thing is so hard. Going through years of infertility you have this hope and dream and vision of being a mom. And then when you are a mom, it feels like someone played a practical joke on you. Don’t get me wrong now. It’s amazing and wonderful and so amazing. But it’s hard. And then you throw adoption in the mix and you have doubts and fears and worry. I guess you have that even without adoption. But then you throw people like messed up old me in the mix and some days it feels like there’s no hope and why does it have to be so overwhelming?
The thing that’s really frustrating is that you get tricked into believing that everything might be related to adoption. Her words, her actions, problems, issues, this and that. Is it attachment issues? Is she afraid of us leaving her because she was left? Is she angry because she was adopted? Are her sleeping issues related to being adopted? When will she start asking about her birth mom? It seems never ending. Yes, there are some serious issues there that’ll we’ll have to deal with. But it can be so overwhelming wondering and worrying about it.
But even in just the past few days I’ve been realizing a few things.
1. Kids are kids are kids. I need to quit over analyzing everything but for me that’s hard. Thankfully, as I talk to other moms I know I’m not alone on that. I need to daily remind myself that so much of the “issues” that we are dealing with are just normal stuff. The challenge of course if not knowing for sure if it’s “normal” but I guess that’s where the over analyzing comes into play. And it also emphasizes the importance of making connections with other moms (and maybe even more so “older” moms who have been there, done that) to encourage and uplift one another in this journey.
2. I’m the one with issues (ya think?). It’s not about my kids. It’s not about my husband. While it’s easy to just put the blame on them or others, what I need to do is focus on me and my issues and how God wants to change and mold me. And as I’ve realized that the past few days, I’ve already noticed a huge change in my kids. Imagine that. When I radiate God’s love more, they in turn feel God’s (and my) love more and can allow it to overflow in their lives.
And sometimes frankly they just eat too much sugar and are little monsters because of it.
Even with me focusing on God changing me, there are still hard days when I don’t know left from right or up from down (perhaps too much sugar?). Praise God that even when the days are long and hard and I don’t think it can get any more overwhelming, there is hope. Praise God I’m adopted. I’ve been adopted as the daughter of the Most High. I’ve been made new, been given hope and each day is a new day. It’s a new day to love and learn and mess up and be forgiven and begin again. And it’s a new day to be an encourager to some other mom out there, and pray for that in my life!
Praise God for this journey and how He is molding and shaping me along the way. Oh how I long for the hope of Christ to overflow in my life every single day.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5