I love my kiddos. Love love love love them. I prayed for them for many years. And when we’re having a tough day I remind myself of that.
Lately I’ve been reminding myself of those prayers alot.
I’m pretty sure that every stage of childhood is hard. Anyone else come to that conclusion? I don’t think an “easy year” exists. At least not when it comes to two certain very strong-willed, hyperactive, smarter than their own good kids. But for some reason it seems like these past few months have been the hardest yet.
Angel is 4 1/2 going on 14. Caleb is 3 1/2 going on 30.
It seems that every word that comes out of Angel’s mouth is either “no!” or “you never let me do that!” or whining. Oh my word the whining. We dealt with whining when she was two and I was thinking that stage was long gone. And the drama. So much drama. If it wasn’t so exhausting I’d be laughing but every. single. time. we tell her no or not yet she comes back with, “Am I ever going to get to do that?” Or “you never let me do that.” For example today she wanted Edward to come in the house. I had enough to handle already and I was incapable of dealing with a 100 pound hyper dog. And so I told her no. Que 45 minutes of whining and crying, “You never let Ed come in the house,” and “Will Ed ever get to come in the house again?” After that last question I might have lost it a little and said, “No Angel. Ed will never ever be able to come in the house again!”
And then there’s Caleb. Where did my baby boy go? All of a sudden he’s all grown up and wanting to be Iron Man and calling the police on his mama (on his pretend phone thank goodness), refusing to eat and destroying my house. Who is this little terror that has invaded the body of my sweet Bubba? He sneaks food, he tortures the dogs, he writes on my walls and everything else except paper. How does he manage to find the markers anyway?!
I made the decision during all the health drama to not take summer classes. Not only so that I can have some time to get my energy back, but mostly because I realized that my kiddos aren’t going to be little for long. The years will go so fast and I need to take advantage of the time I have with them. For the most part I am really looking forward to our summer. But then we have a tough bang my head against a wall day and I dread the long days of summer.
Am I the only mama who feels that way? Man, I hope not.
And I hope it’s ok to admit all this.
I seriously love and cherish and appreciate my kids so much. I can’t even begin to explain how much. I realize how blessed I am, and despite how unworthy I am, God has blessed me beyond measure. I realize that if this is as tough as my life gets then my life is pretty awesome. I realize there are alot of mamas who would give anything to have their kiddos with them – all the naughty and everything.
But I hope it’s ok to be real and admit that some days it’s really hard to be a mom. It’s hard to be patient and know exactly what to say – or what not to say. I’m so thankful for God’s grace and that He is patiently teaching and stretching me. And I’m so thankful that He’s will was to teach me that patience and stretch me through the blessing of my babes.
~Angel and Caleb – I love you more than anything. I am so thankful to have you in my life. One day we will look back and laugh at the pictures and videos and hopefully this account of our life. You certainly gave your mama a run for her money. But my love for you never faded and never will.