Caleb’s prayer and Angel’s tears

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Growing up I had the knowledge of my Grandma Hellman.
She died when I was a baby but there’s one picture of her holding me and I’d always look at it, wondering what she was like.

I often think about that with Angel and Caleb and wonder, if in ten or twenty years, if they will remember their Grama Susie and Papa.
Having gazillions of pictures and videos certainly helps, and as far as today, they remember.

And their little hearts are mourning.

Every once in awhile Caleb will ask when we get to see them again.
I’ll tell him that we’ll see them in heaven.
He usually gets upset because he wants to see them now.

Last week at church I was holding him.
The pastor had just started the sermon and was talking about Jesus.
(Good thing to talk about in church, huh. : ) )

Caleb kinda looked up at the ceiling.
I heard him whisper, “Jesus,” and then something about Papa.

I asked him what he said.
He told me he said, “Jesus, can I have Grama Susie and Papa back now?”

Oh my word. What a precious little guy. My heart breaks.

Angel has always struggled to express how she feels.
Right away after they died she didn’t say anything about them
She didn’t cry, she didn’t say she missed them.

Now, over a year later, she is starting to open up more, and express how she feels.

Yesterday we had quite an experience.
As you might have seen already, I posted the video that we played at the service.

She came over and asked if she could watch it.
I hesitated because I knew it would be hard.
But I also know that I can’t protect them from everything, especially grief.

I need to walk with them through it.

Immediately I sensed that she was going to open up.
She was sitting on my lap and as we watched Papa wave at us, she got tears in her eyes.

She turned to me and through the tears, with a big smile on her face said, “Papa waved at me.”

As we watched the video, tiny tears wet her cheeks and she would wipe them away.
She said a few times how much she misses Buck and Gracie.
We hugged and I held her for awhile as she cried quietly.

Oh my heart was broken.

Pat came in the house just then and she said that she had to tell him why she was crying.

She ran over to him and completely broke down.
Through her sobs she said, “Daddy, I’m crying because I miss Grama and Papa.”

She wept and sobbed as her Daddy held her.

I am so thankful for the daddy that my kids have.
I am so thankful that they have been blessed with the most amazing daddy.

I am so thankful for my daddy.
For his quiet strength.
His silly sense of humor.
His desire to take care of and protect his children.
No. Matter. What.

And I am thankful for my Heavenly Daddy.

It doesn’t matter how old you are when you lose your daddy.
The pain is so great.
The loss difficult to bear.

But we have the assurance of knowing that we have a Heavenly Daddy who is always with us.
He’s here to comfort and heal, to bring peace and offer a strength that only He can provide.

He’s there to hold us, when our earthly father can’t.

We will see Papa and Grama Susie again someday.

But today, we have the love of our Heavenly Father to see us through.

gma papa with kids

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Dueteronomy 3:18

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