I have not kept the faith

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You may have seen my post yesterday, sharing about Mom’s birthday last week.

My sister-in-law Leana had sent me this picture of Mom…

IMG_5387[1]

After I composed myself enough to think straight, this scripture immediately came to mind…

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:8

A specific part of that verse spoke stronger to me than the rest of it.

I have kept the faith.

Except that I haven’t.

Many of you probably know that for a while now (years?) I’ve been trying to write a book.
Mom and Dad always strongly encouraged me to write one and I’ve certainly tried.
But for some reason I’ve never been able to get very far.

After they died, the sense that I was supposed to write some type of book was stronger than ever.
Well within the past week, the Lord has been giving me words that have flowed easily.

I don’t know where it will end up, or if it’ll be published or in what format.
But for today, I sense that God wants me to share my life and faith journey with those who are suffering, in the hopes of drawing others closer to Him.

The problem with writing is that I am writing about my past.

A past that is stained with rebellion and sin and unfathomable ungodly choices.

As I’m been reliving many of those moments, I am sometimes at a loss for words of the things I did.
Not only to family and friends, but to God.
Especially to God.

I cannot believe that I so easily (or it seems like it was easy) turned my back on my faith.
It saddens me to no extreme.
At times it feels as if the remembering of my sin will overcome me.

If it weren’t for the love of Jesus that daily overflows through my heart and soul, it would overcome me.
But it’s because of Jesus that I can write about my past and leave it there.
In my past.
It’s because of the love of Jesus that I can have hope.

It’s because of that love that you can have hope.

My rebellion and sin might be different from what yours was (or is).

But sin is sin is sin.
And Jesus died on the cross for every last ounce of it.

There have certainly been many times when I have not kept the faith.
There have been times when I have not fought the good fight.
There have been times when I couldn’t or just plain refused to finished the race.

That’s the ultimate beauty of God’s love for us.

When we were unable or unwilling to do what we needed to do, He sent His son to take our place.

Jesus has fought the good fight perfectly.
He has finished the race consistently.
He has kept the faith unwaveringly.

 Because of His great love for us, we get to claim the champion’s prize of eternity in heaven.

And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Hebrews 10:10

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One thought on “I have not kept the faith

    Chris said:
    August 20, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Oh, Missy, DO continue writing. You are an inspiration in your blog, which few see compared to the many who could pick up your book. I’ll pray to that end.

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