Let’s unload the pictures from my phone

Hang on to your hats, it’s been awhile.

During Advent I was a part of a drama team for Advent services. I was the Angel. We were a nativity scene that came to life. A couple of times I had to hold my arms like that for at least 5 minutes. Ow.

One day a few weeks ago I decided to get ambitious and have a science day.  First we made towers using play dough, spaghetti noodles and Cheerios. Angel loved this project. Caleb thought it was ok but it didn’t keep his attention as good.

After play dough towers, we got real sciency and made some different mixtures using water, oil and salt. Oh ya, food coloring too. Just a little bit of a mess. But the kids loved it.

I think this was a day my Bubba was sick. Unfortunately he’s had alot of those days lately.

Building lego houses.

My love.

Our craft this week was lame kinda simple.  We are going to spend a day with my sister in the middle of February. Originally I wanted to make a fancy string thing that showed the numbers and then each day we take off a number to reveal how many days left until we see Aunt Nellie. Well that didn’t work so well and so we ended up with a hanging thing and then each day the kids pull off the number. I guess they still like it and they got to cut which they absolutely love so it wasn’t a complete loss.

Bubba’s finger at the doctor.

The day before my school started we celebrated this new adventure by having a triple chocolate meltdown at Apple Bee’s. Love.

Caleb with his best bud Spiderman.

Ed. This is how he sits most every day all day long.

“Make believe day” at Angel’s school. She dressed up as Rapunzel and of course Caleb had to dress up too. Doesn’t he look tall in this picture!?

Me and Pat on a date, eating at a salad place. You can’t really see it but I have brown sauce coming out of my mouth.  The honeymoon’s over folks.

Angel getting her first, but not really, haircut. It’s her first haircut at an actual hair salon. I’ve trimmed her hair a little before so I guess it really doesn’t count as a first first haircut.  But she loved it and sat so nice.

What Caleb would do all day long if we let him. Play angry birds on Pat’s ipod.

A new coat Angel got for her birthday. (This was taken in October!) It’s a little big but will be perfect this spring.  My little cutie pie.

Caleb is happy if… he has a snack, a drink and is watching a movie. (Maybe a little too much like his mama.)

Angel is all about talking on the phone lately. Most of the time she talks to Nellie. And talks and talks.

After talking on the “phone” to Nellie, she then likes to write her name. Over and over.

The kiddos usually don’t want to pick out their own clothes. And it’s a good thing, because this is what Caleb would look like if he did.  Ok, I guess he’s pretty cute.

My two favorite girls… Angel and Princess.  (We miss her so much!)

Angel’s first craft of the new year. Perfect!

The one where I take back my words

An update.

Do you remember awhile back when I said, “While I have some issues to deal with, I know I’m not depressed and so I know there are other things out there (the Lord, friends, family, counseling, better eating, exercise) to help me through.”

No?

Good, because I didn’t really mean it.

Well ok, I did mean it at the time.  And I still believe there are “other things” out there to help me.  But I have a tendency to get excited about things after trying it for like 4.6 seconds and at the time I was feeling pretty good (possibly because my brain had leveled out since being on my happy pills. duh.) and so I might have been a wee bit premature in declaring all health and happiness.

Here’s the truth of the matter. I don’t know if I’m dealing with depression.  But I do know that after going off my happy pills I was heading down that slippery slope again of being in a really dark place.

Yes, eating gluten-free has helped me feel better. And I’m still gluten-free about 80% of the time and when I don’t eat gluten-free I feel like crud.  Yes, I’m exercising regularly. Yes, I tried other “remedies” like the Sam-E (made me sick) and other natural things.  Yes, I was consistent in having quiet time every morning.  Yes, I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to “fix” me.

But even with the gluten-free and other things there was still no consistency to my state of emotions.  So when I weaned myself off my medication I’d have a good week and then I’d have a bad week. I’d have a good day and then I’d have a bad day. Slowly I started turning back into that person who snapped way too often at her kids for no good reason, was crabby more than I was happy, was angry at anything and everything, and had more ups and downs in my emotions than I care to even talk about. Snap, snap, snap.  And with what seemed like no control over any of it. Ug.

So despite that fact that I don’t like being on an anti-depressant and many people view it negatively, I started taking it again in November. Through this whole process God has helped me be ok with being on them and stop caring about what anyone might think. What I care about is being able to take care of my kids. Being able to smile at them and laugh with them, to kiss and hug them. Being able to be a wife who encourages and supports her husband.  And I’ve finally, FINALLY, come to peace that God is using this little pill to bring healing.

If you’re going through some of the same struggles I just want to encourage you that you are not alone.  And I’m so thankful, that no matter what, whether I need that pill or not, that this is true.

“For today I’m going to keep reminding myself that sometimes life is hard but God is good. A bad day isn’t a failed day or a failed life. The past doesn’t define me. Jesus is Savior and He is my Hope and Joy.  God has called me, prepared me, allowed me, blessed me and equipped me to be a mom.  He has. And I’m starting to believe it.  And I’ll continue to remind myself that each day is a gift that I don’t want to waste.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.  Isaiah 26:3-4″

(From Chaos Theory post.)

Weekend wrap up

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